“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you may call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander. My faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”
These words come a song that is breaking it’s way into my heart even deeper every time I hear it. The song is called, “Oceans” by Hillsong United. Now I am in no way a fan of this band, but lately they’ve been shocking me with some great finds. This song in particular has been my cry for so long and I never even knew it. This song was first introduced to me a few months ago by a dear friend. She played this song to me as we headed to Panama City Beach to do some work with our company. I remember feeling something for this song but never being able to fully understand what it was. I loved the calmness, beauty, and simplicity in it all. I’m a huge fan of those kinds of things. I don’t need things to be flashy, and extravagant. I just want it simple, and down to Earth. I know some are out there shaking their heads but it’s s true. I dream of just living a simple life in a cabin with the love of my life and watching our kids grow up on hardwood floors and grass fields as their playgrounds.
Now fortunately this post isn’t going to be about my hopes for the future but instead I want to focus on how often I forget this oh so simple thing, and that is faith. Daily I find that I am lost, and I don’t know how to come back, and how to simply hold on to the hope that I know is true. It’s so CALM, BEAUTIFUL, and SIMPLE! It’s not this elaborate plan, It’s a simple request, that is sure to be granted when we fully believe and surrender every being of who we are to the only one that matters!
Since returning home from Central Asia I have found myself at a stand still. If you haven’t noticed I haven’t blogged in over a month. I’ve been super busy with Res Life training, and getting things prepared for all of that. It’s been a little overwhelming, but it’s left me with very little time to truly process what I experienced in that beautiful country. I’ve made the joke a few times that my tear ducks are constipated because I truly haven’t cried (I process through tears so this is a big deal for me). I really just craft a lot, and find any moment when someone will allow me to talk about my time there. I keep it all inside because I often times don’t think that anyone cares, or that they don’t know or have ever even heard of where I went. It breaks my heart to think that, but I believe those lies every day, and it pulls me away, and makes it impossible for me to focus on life now. It is those moments when I get to tell others of what I did in Central Asia that brings me true joy and life. I want that joy back, at all times, not just when I get to talk about that amazing place.
I recently had a minor breakdown that lead to me drinking two sodas, when I haven’t had soda in weeks, and eating a huge brownie sundae. I had just had so much dumped on me from others, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I went to my best friend’s apartment, and just sat there. I stared at the wall, emotionless, and silent. I had no idea what to say. I had just been torn down and was hearing so many lies, that I had no business believing. I really didn’t know what to do, so I just cried, a lot, and amazingly my cheap, non- waterproof makeup held up. It was so freeing to get to do that, and just let it all go. However one thing I said that night set so much in perspective for me. I made the comments to my friends that, “I miss waking up in Central Asia, because every morning that I opened my eyes I knew I had a purpose.” Now my amazing friend being the awesome person that she is immediately reaffirmed me that I had a purpose here in my little small town, but that it looked different.
THAT IS WHAT I’VE BEEN MISSING!!! Seriously, just because I hopped on a plane and came back to America doesn’t mean that I’m not going to be needed or that I lost any kind of purpose that I had before. I have to take what I learned there and implement it into my life now, and reach my residents, classmates, and friends for the truth that has set me free. In this I have a new awesome, and amazing opportunity that is coming my way. I don’t want to share exactly what it is yet, but don’t worry I will share in due time.
But all in all I get to use these gifts that I have to love others, and share beauty with them. I’m a little sad that I’m having to sacrifice a previous roll, but I know that by not accepting the new one I am doing a disservice to myself, and to the people I could reach. I know there is a plan, and a meaning to everything that I do. The fact that I get to share it in this new and exciting roll brings an abundance of joy to my heart and soul, and I simply cannot wait to see where this takes me, and how I can bless others by doing this! It’s going to be amazing and I cannot wait to share more with you later!
But before I say see yah later I want to leave you with one less bit. This new and exciting transition is going to be hard, it’s gonna suck some days, and it’s gonna be something I don’t want to do. However I have learned that I must trust in my redeemer, to experience His steadfast love. I have to have a trust that is without restraints, lines, chains, and even borders. I have to have this trust so I can help to break all of those things. It’s gonna be hard, and at times it may even be a bumpy ride but I know that in the end it will all be worth it, and I will of done something that brings glory and honor to the breaker of my chains, and redeemer of my soul. For that it is imperative that I remain obedient in this way and move on to do what I’m called to.