Your love has set The broken captives free
Your love released The chains once binding me
I’m found in grace In love’s embrace
My heart is overwhelmed
These lyrics are from the new song called, My Heart is Overwhelmed. It is by Hillsong Live, and is quite possibly the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. This song is the simple cry out to God, and thanks to him for saving us. But at the same time it’s the acknowledgement of that fact that in myself I will never be able to fully describe the joy, and freedom that I can feel everyday because of what Jesus did for me on the cross. I can forever run through the endless fields, and shout my praises to God because of what He did for me, in the moments when I didn’t even know Him yet, he still fought for me, and showed me a love unhindered by the hate in this world. It’s the most beautiful, and glorious story ever heard.
Freedom is a huge factor in my story, and is something that I am so passionate about that sometimes when I talk about it I lose my breath! The chains in my life lead to heavy walks with depression, eating disorders, abuse, and a huge lack of self worth. Throughout all of this I felt extremely broken, and lost. I didn’t know God, I didn’t know truth, and i definitely didn’t know freedom. I was so lost in my chains, and in many ays I was buckling them myself. I had this feeling that because of all the wrong that I had ever done I deserved the pain I felt. I deserved the loss, and abandonment that I knew was my life.
Upon entering high school I decided to check out a church. I had gone as a child but was extremely hurt by that church, and never wanted to go back. However the church I attended as a 14 year old was totally different. These people loved on me, and treated me as though I was one of their own. It was such a new experience and one that I had never felt before. For the first time ever I felt loved (by people outside of my grandparents).
Now after about a year and a half of this love I kind of got sick of it. I was able to put on the mask, and walk as if I was all good, and nothing was wrong. But really inside I was so lost. I didn’t know truth, and I surely didn’t understand grace. In this I decided to take my life into my own hands, and just let go. In this act came a ton of partying, and drinking, and basically just reckless abandonment. It was so unhealthy that I often wonder how I’m still alive today.
I got into a relationship with a guy, and gave my heart away so quickly. I allowed him to control my day, and make or break it. When we broke up I physically felt empty inside, and didn’t know how to act. In this began the real down fall. I started going to these really dark places, and would go and just do things that I just should not have been doing. I lost all self worth, and in so many ways I lost who I was. I didn’t know anything anymore.
After about a year of this I gave up. I fell on my face and cried out for help. It took me over a year to fully realize the error, and to realize that I didn’t want to go back to that place ever again. In December of my Freshman year at Radford University I attended a conference called Radiate. It is the annual Winter conference for the Mid Atlantic region of CRU. The theme that year was “Be Free”. It was a time of learning what our chains were, and how to break them. It was a time of awesome redemption that I had never felt before. When I returned from that conference my life had radically changed. I finally felt free, and I finally felt solid in my beliefs! I had never understood that before.
It has been almost a year since that amazing conference and my life has been insane since then. I went on summer project, made incredible new friends, and I got baptized. I have done nothing but strengthened in my faith. I read the bible so much more now because I want to. I have this knowledge, and love for God’s truth, freedom, and redemption that it’s just insane. I can’t ever get over it. He redeems my soul for His name sake, and for that my heart is truly overwhelmed.